<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>gone and going further by Zofiecfield</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095729">gone and going further</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zofiecfield/pseuds/Zofiecfield'>Zofiecfield</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wynonna Earp (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brief references to drowning, F/F, Feelings, One Shot, Short One Shot, Spoilers, Spoilers for 4X05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:54:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095729</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zofiecfield/pseuds/Zofiecfield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Your world grinds to a halt, and you consider, for a moment.  She's going, but is she gone?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Waverly Earp &amp; Nicole Haught, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>gone and going further</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Panic consumes you, and, your worst fears laid out before you, you are frozen.  The world grinds to a halt and you cannot force it into movement.<br/>
Violent ringing in your ears overlays everything, numbs your spinning head, and for a moment, you can think.</p><p>Every moment from the moment you met her, each one lies just below your surface always.  These last moments, from these last days, they shimmer brightest and, with a sickening mix of dread and longing, you touch them one by one.  </p><p>Each is sweet or heartbreaking or beautiful, yes, but each, below its beauty, bears a rough underbelly you had chosen, again and again, to skim over.  No time left for that now, no time left for small omissions to soothe yourself.</p><p>Some nights, in her arms, as she kissed you and your heart soared, as your body became an abstraction under her fingertips, some nights you could feel the going.  You could feel the goodbye in her touch.  But you chose to see only her outline as she was in that moment, colored in by the woman she had been, not by the woman she was now.  </p><p>You were afraid to touch it then, to look too closely as her eyes shifted past you.  You chose not to turn and see the future she was looking at, so desperate were you for the future you (only you, in truth, you see now) were moving towards.  </p><p>She has, you see now, being saying goodbye all this time.  </p><p>She has, you see now, been slipping away, slowly at first, but so much faster now.</p><p>Everything breaks under a certain load, bending seemingly endlessly until the sudden snap.  Bruised and battered, you knew, worn and dearly tired.  But had you misjudged her injuries?  The nicks and cuts you were mending with patience and acceptance and sweet touch, had they been gaping wounds just under the skin?  Had she been broken, already irreparable?  Had the woman you'd held last night been mere fragments, collected in your arms, already poised to scatter?</p><p>There is only so far she can go before there’s no coming back.  Only so far a body, a soul, can drift away in isolation and agony before no force of will, no beating heart can bring it back.</p><p>You wonder now, if she is already gone.  If she has been, perhaps, already gone.  Gone and now, going further. </p><p>Already so much time lost, time she spent tearing herself apart to save you, time you weren't there to witness her struggles, to see her truly and solidify her in your sight, to stitch her back together.  Drowning now, had she perhaps been drowning already, in front of your eyes all this time?</p><p>Every kiss, every smile and sweet moment, a long goodbye.  Gone already, and going.</p><p>The world is burning.  </p><p>Your vision begins to clear again and your heart is racing too fast, chest too tight.  Noises trickle in and you don't want them there, you don't want this, here and now.  No.  </p><p>No.  </p><p><i>No.</i>  You clench your teeth and bear down on the world around you.  <i>No</i>, you tell the wheels that begin to turn again.  <i>No</i>, you shout into the thunder of your ears as it recedes.  </p><p>Going but not gone.  </p><p>See here?  A single thread pinched between your fingers.  A lifeline, woven of every moment you have loved her.  Guarded closely, tied around one finger, waiting.</p><p>Will a single tug unravel everything, will it destroy this final wisp of hope?  Or is it tethered well, strong enough to carry her home?  You'll take the risk.  Everything from the moment you met her has been a risk.  And you've taken each and every one, every risk to hold her close, every risk to earn another and another.</p><p>Be ready to pull when the time is right, soon now and sooner with every second that ticks by.  Be ready to pull her back, one more time.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>